Dirt Beneath Our Feet
by Team Socket
Summary: What if Spike sacrificed himself for Dawn? Angel's monologue as he says goodbye to Spike.


Dirt Beneath Our Feet  
  
"You're gone. I can't believe it. I mean, you've always been there, lurking in the shadows, annoying me like no one else could. Willow told me how it happened. How you sacrificed yourself so that Dawn- the Key- could live. She told me other things, too. About your chip, how you helped those disaster victims, how you loved Buffy, how you tried to redeem yourself. And you did that, all without a soul. I know, that when I was Angelus, I would've never had done this.  
  
You, you were always different. After you took your revenge on those who had made fun of you, you never seemed to take pleasure in the hunt. Yes, you took pleasure in feeding, and you acted excited about hunting to please Drusilla, but you never really liked it.  
  
The Scoobies seem torn up over your death- your sacrifice. More than they would over me. But that's understandable. You- you grow on people. And no, I don't mean like a fungus.  
  
The whelp- Xander- seems disturbed. I think he's coming to realize that everything isn't black and white. And it hurts him, because of his friend he had to stake. He doesn't want to face the fact that maybe vampires aren't all evil, but thanks to you, I think he's finally growing up.  
  
The vengeance demon- or I suppose ex-vengeance demon, Anya, she's confused. When she became human, she thought she had dealt with all of the morality issues. But, like me, she thought that you'd always be there. I mean, you were a master.  
  
That new girl, the witch, Tara, she's taking it really hard. After all, she didn't really know you until after you became good. She took in the Scoobies as a replacement for her real family, and losing you was like losing a brother. She comes and visits you every night, you know.  
  
Willow took it nearly as hard as Tara. She was the first to accept you, to become friends with you. You meant a lot to her, I hope you know that. I can almost hear you arguing against that. It's true. The other day, I found her looking through a book, looking for something to bring you back, like she did with Buffy. She wouldn't, couldn't, except that there is no possible way to bring you back.  
  
Dawn- well, I suppose it goes without saying that she taking it hardest. She blames herself, but you'd be proud of her, she's still forging ahead, knowing you wouldn't want her to mope around. She has, however, taken to wearing your duster. Yes, that's right, your duster. It managed to survive. I thought you'd like to know that.  
  
The Watcher- Giles- wasn't to pleased about me coming. And not just because of my brief relapse, all those years ago. He said something about how I didn't even like you, what was I doing here? His response was probably the most unexpected out of them all. He misses you almost as much as Tara does. I suppose he grew attached to you, when you were living with him after you got that chip. I overheard him talking about how you two would watch Passions together, and how you'd put Wheat-A-Bix in the blood you drank. You always did have weird tastes.  
  
As for Buffy. I know you love- loved her. What a pair we are. I'm starting to think that the entire Aureilas line is insane. But back to Buffy- the Slayer. She seems to be in shock. I can't tell whether it's because you, the big bad, is dead (alright, deader), or because an "evil, soulless thing" sacrificed himself for the greater good. I have a feeling both of us are leaning towards the former.  
  
And then there's me. You were like my childe to me, did you realize? I suppose it's because Drusilla was too insane to teach you the ways of a vampire, so I was basically became your sire. And I felt it, you know, when you died. I was in the middle of threatening an evil lawyer (I told you about them, right? Wolfram & Hart?) when I felt that huge sense of loss. Connor, my son (my and Darla's son), he felt it too, on a lesser scale. He came to me, asked me why. I had gotten the call from Willow by then, so I told him. I told him everything. How, unlike myself, unlike Darla, unlike most vampires, you never actually wanted to kill your family, your friends, your enemies. How it was fledgling bloodlust, directed by me, Angelus, that led to you actually do so, how you hated yourself later for doing so. I used to wonder what was wrong with you, if maybe your soul had stayed or something. We both know your taste buds did.  
  
I'm going to miss you. I know that I haven't actually seen you in a few years, but before. Before, there was always the knowledge that you'd be showing up at some point, torturing me, or kidnapping people, or looking for some all-powerful amulet. Now, well, I doubt that even you, the Scourge of Europe, the big bad, can return from the dead, no matter how much we all want it.  
  
I have one more thing to tell you, Spike, before I go back to LA. I'm proud of you. And not just as Angel. Angelus is proud of the vampire that you were, and Angel is proud of the vampire you've become."  
  
And with that, Angel stood up, looking at the ground where William the Bloody's dust was buried.  
  
"Good-bye, William."  
  
Spike  
  
1880 - 2000 Forever in our hearts  
  
  
  
A/N: This is from a challenge at Challenge in a Can (http://www.dymphna.net/challenge/). The character was Angel, the feeling was hollow, and the thing was dirt. It turned out better than I thought it would.  
  
This takes place sometime 6th season, after Buffy is back, but before Tara dies.  
  
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or things mentioned in this. 


End file.
